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| James Joyce by Rowan Gillespie, Dublin |
The Dublin house of Hugh Boiling turned topsy-turvy this years’ Blooms day. Friends of the couple Boiling flew in to celebrate Blooms day to find out that the day had been cancelled by the Centre bearing Joyce’s name because of the death of Charles Haughey, Irelands former beloved and hated con prime minister.
Whisky aid
Even Bellinger Blofeld, the cold-blooded
British designer, sent by her Majesties Kingdom to represent the Empire, was
thrown of his feet. Blofeld, ready to wear his all time Joyce suit and
preparing for months now learning the Ulysses by heart as not to stand out from
the crowd, had also been practising his Irish accent and a few basic Gaelic
words. This serious study had taken a lot of time and energy.
Blofeld was flabbergasted when he heared
the day was cancelled, as if it didn’t exist. The poor man had to grasp a
bottle of whisky to be able to cope with the great disappearance. Not suprisingly for
the incrowd, he got support from Paddy, Mrs Boilings' nephew, a soon-to-be
famous pop star contracted by Universal records.
Paddy helped Bellinger Blofeld empty the
bottle and made sure he himself would not miss a Blooms day that wasn’t going
to happen. He managed to trick himself into a delirium that would last the
whole of the cancelled, and therefore not existing, 16th of June of 2006.
Disappearing planes
Mrs Boiling had gone through great length to make
sure her Norwegian friend was going to be there – she booked like three tickets for her. The plane of the beloved friend disappeared together with Leopold
Bloom and his lovely spouse Molly. Blooms day 2006 could only be equalled
at the Bermudan Triangle.
The obscure Dutch couple that arrived at
the house dressed like Stephen Dedalus and Molly Bloom changed character every
five minutes. They lost themselves completely as Nora and James to come back
like twenty-first century Buck and Gert. The spectators where spared the
masturbation scene Gert played in the book, thank God.
Scottish
While the whisky was pouring and the
fire blazing, because of the Boilings' preference to chop wood in the dark, Twhy
and Twigs, two young friends that in daily life were rooming together with
Little One in Edinburgh, were struggling to keep their heads clear.
Their fair hair was blowing in the wind, while the girls
kept loosing crocket games. After each loss they started throwing balls at
Pablo, a black and FEROCIOUS Labrador, owned by the Boiling family.
Ciss, the daughter of the house, tried
to maintain herself too. She managed quite well, until she saw her Scottish
friend who played in a band that was about to break up. Then she decided to go and
look for the lost plane in Glasgow that had her mother’s friend in it. It was the practical thing to do, since the trip gave Ciss the opportunity to join her
older brother Thom.
Thom of course, being the oldest son and
a searcher of human souls, was wise enough to stay away from his parents' house
during this crazy nonexistent day. In Glasgow, UK, life was going on like it was
supposed to be. No days disappeared from peoples lives. Only planes vanished.
Well ironed scullprinted
The crowd gathered at Confuse Mansion, a
place no Dublin taxi driver is able to find without help, heroically played
every role that was thrown upon them even though not even dates could be trusted anymore.
Bellinger Blofeld symbolised their bravery
by changing into his spotless and well ironed scull printed shirt. He took it from a very small
travelling bag that must have had magical power. Not so much as a tiny wrinkle. Blofeld even managed to keep the rabbit inside
the bag, that is … as long as the Dutch Dedalus did not put on his raggy hat.
Then the fluffy animal jumped out shouting ‘surprise!’. But of course in this
chaos nobody was surprised by anything anymore, let alone by a rabbit dancing the salsa on the soon-to-be pop stars' soon-to-be new hit: THEY TOOK YOUR CHESTNUT at the sight of an old hat.
The 17th
Luckily at midnight the faded day
passed on to June the 17th apparently without any problems. Even planes landed
safely again. Everybody took to bed feeling quite satisfied; having such good
friends that help you through Not Blooms day.
